Allowing Him to be Enough

I have a plague. It's called perfectionism. It's something many women struggle with, and it's a disease that can get one down on herself in a very unhealthy way. Today was a down-in-the-dumps day for me. The cold weather is getting me down, I feel lonely lately as my husband Darin has been busy coaching wrestling (which means eating supper by myself with Winston more than I'd like). I feel God calling me to do something more with the songs that I've written, but I get more and more frustrated as I work on them because I wish I had MORE talent. It's almost like the more I practice them the more frustrated I get because I can only see the flaws, but can't figure out how to fix them. One other thing, I have this picture in my head of how my house should be, you know, the Martha Stewart squeaky clean, everything's in it's place type of home. Well I have 3 boys in the home right now and no matter how much I clean that's just not happenin! So the end result with that is I never feel satisfied. The end result of perfectionism is never feeling satisfied. Never feeling like I'm doing enough. Feeling guilty when I do sit down to relax because there's probably something better I could be doing with my time. 

Do you ever wonder why God says, "Cease striving and know that I am God?" Such a profound statement. Isn't it amazing that we have a God who understands that we will get down, we will lose motivation, we may have weeks at a time where we struggle to even get out of bed (especially if you struggle with depression). And then there's all those personal goals. Lose weight, become more efficient, grow less critical, keep up with laundry, quit smoking, have a better marriage, find a better job,etc. Do you know what's crazy??? God loves me just as much on my 'blah' days as He does my 'amazing' days. And days like today when I say, "Lord, I'm tired. I'm discouraged," the feelings don't go away but the peace comes in knowing I'm not enough and never will be, but my God is Enough and He always will be. We have to cease striving on our own effort before we can know that HE IS GOD. He is Above All, in All, and works Through All situations good and bad. My prayer today and everyday is, "Lord, please work despite me." And somehow He does.