We just got back from a wonderful vacation in Oregon with my husband Darin's family. It was probably the most relaxing vacation we've ever had outside of our honeymoon. My Mom-in-Law cooked all the meals and I didn't have to do almost anything. It was lovely.

We returned from our vacation and I'll admit it's been hard to get back into the groove of things. We are in month three of having 6 foster children and 1 biological son and some days I struggle with motivation and questioning the future. In foster care you never know when your kids will be going home, or if they will ever go home. It's hard to plan and operate as a permanent family when as much as you might wish that you could just be a permanent family and get the privilege of being called "Mom" and "Dad"...it's not up to you. We had a visit with a case worker yesterday and some issues came up that we weren't aware of that could change some things, and that's hard. Just when you think you've got it figured out you realize you really don't. In Fine Linen Ministries my goal has been to travel and sing and raise awareness for foster care, but on days like yesterday I question, "How can I raise awareness for a system that is incredibly flawed and frustrating? A system that half the time I wish I didn't have to deal with." I'm just being totally honest here. One secret of foster care is that most of the time it's not the kids who make foster care hard, it's the state system and legalities and all that entails that make it extra hard. I am a BIG feeler and overly sensitive and anyone who knows me well knows that, and that's why it's amazing that we've lasted 2 years doing this. I get discouraged so easily. I get down. I feel helpless. I feel angry at the parents who will not fight for the kids and blame everyone else but themselves. And that's when I have to remember...

ONE DAY AT A TIME. That's all you ask of me Jesus. ONE DAY AT A TIME. 

My ladies Sunday school class at church is so encouraging. I look forward to that time each week, and this last Sunday was exactly what I needed to be reminded of. The lesson was on The Blessing of Greater Contentment.

"For I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." ~Philippians 4:11-13 

Do you believe that you can do ALL THINGS through Christ who is your strength? Unfortunately the American church has created a culture of comfort and spiritually obese people. We stuff ourselves on the Christian concerts, the sermons, the Sunday school lessons, the times of worship that should be exactly how WE want it to be. We want a feel-good faith: not the dying-to-ourselves faith that Jesus commands us to have. We want the faith that doesn't step on anyone's toes, that doesn't risk rejection, that doesn't make others think less of us because they don't agree. I'm preaching to myself right now because yes, I would rather have the feel-good faith. Not the crying-in-my closet faith because I feel empty and have nothing to give and wish it wasn't so hard. That faith is not pretty. It's pretty messy actually. 

A lot of us are not okay with not appearing to have it all together. And when someone else says, "I'm really struggling right now," we freak out and think it must be because they're not in the will of God, they're over-doing it, they need to take it easy. I'm not saying those things can't be true--because I know of Christians who have had nervous-breakdowns because they over-did it. But sometimes life is just inevitably hard, and especially when you make the decision to not be a couch-potato Christian, but a Christian who will take a stand and do something you will have a target placed on your back by the evil one. He WANTS couch-potato Christians, and unfortunately he succeeds in getting many of us back on the couch and comfortable. We think we must be in the will of God because it's easy and it feels good. It doesn't inflict pain. As a major feeler myself I'm learning that my feelings do not determine my faith, and when the very thing I'm doing (for us foster care) makes me feel at my weakest, gives me the greatest discouragement, breaks my heart over and over, I'm probably right in the will of God. 

What battles are you facing right now? Do they seem to much to overcome? Are you wanting to give up because you're not enough? Are you tired and weary? It's okay. It is OK to not be perfect. It's about getting back up each time discouragement beats you down. Have you let others down? It's okay. Do you think you'll never measure up? It's okay. I'm right there with you brother and sister and I'm a pretty messy gal. I cry, I yell, I say "I can't do this!" I'm selfish, I'm very flawed, and I'm reassured that it's okay. Because it is Christ Jesus who works through me and he knows I'm going to mess up. He already knows I'm ridiculous. He sees those yucky things in my heart...and he loves me anyway. He cleanses me through and through. He gives me new chances everyday. 

Whether God is calling you to foster care or something else, He's calling you to something. Don't let your weaknesses keep you from stepping out or serving...Remember it's not you doing the work, it's Jesus working through and despite you. You can do this. And you will find the heart of God in your darkest times. 

 "Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." ~Hebrews 12:3  


"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance, And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." ~James 1:2-4

I come to The Potter, a broken pot
There are cracks everywhere I look
I’m in need of His humbling help today
I’m empty and need to be filled

See, He’s placed in me healing water
It’s water to give to the weak
But the strain of their problems crack me
And my water begins to leak

Time after time I return to Him
The Fixer of all hard things
He takes me into His loving hands
And slowly begins to breathe

Amazing enough, it never fails
My cracks begin to seal
And once again He entrusts to me
Water that’s meant to heal

I’ll never be an uncracked pot
That’s just the weight of this world
But I’ll keep giving His water to the very last drop
Because my Master always refills

If you’re a weary, tired, dry pot
And the enemy says, “Just quit!”
Remember that we’re all broken pots
Just trying to do God’s will

We sometimes fail and feel distraught
But there’s forgiveness each new day
And thank the Lord it’s not OUR works
It’s the unnatural gift of HIS grace!

Take your broken self to the Lord
And let Him fill you up
He’ll breathe in you and seal you up
He always has and He always will.

This title is one that's been very real to me lately: what is my purpose in Christ? As a follower of Jesus Christ if I don't get this right then everything I do is meaningless. I must put my purpose where it matters. I've been trying to separate my cultural identity as an American from my Christ-identity as a Christian. It's amazing to me how much value I place in the things of this world. I like my comfort: my coffee in the mornings, my nice clean and soft sheets, my hot showers, my nice clothes. I like to be seen as a respectful woman who others think well of. Who doesn't? The problem is when these things begin to rule one's life. One's decisions become based off of what he or she will receive from doing something, rather than how will this please my Savior? And then what happens when these things are removed? If people no longer think well of us? If we go bankrupt? If we remain infertile when we desperately want a child? If someone we love dies? If a friend betrays?  If life comes crashing down on us? We find ourselves faced with the stark reality that life is very hard and often disappoints. 

Perhaps I've been pondering this much more lately because of the news. So many Christians around the world are being slaughtered in the name of Christ. They live in uncertainty, often vagabonds without a home. They are people like us, but living in a very different context. Because of our comfortable living we often do everything we can to remain Christians AND remain comfortable. We say, "I follow Jesus", but don't once stop to ask him, "Lord, what would You have me do?" As I read through the gospel of John I am convicted and saddened at my own selfish heart. Too many times I throw a pity party when life gets hard, instead of living in thankfulness that I have a Savior who chose me. A Savior who promises to walk with me through the mountains. A Savior who promises he will NEVER leave me or forsake me...no matter how bad things get. He sees my tears and he understands. His love for me is unconditional, and it's because of his love that I want to get uncomfortable. I want to learn how to serve him more. It's because of his love that when I sin I don't remain in it. I get up knowing that I am forgiven. Sometimes I find myself stuck in sin, but the Holy Spirit reaches in my heart and tugs at it until I finally let go and find freedom once again. 

The biggest misconception of Christianity in the United States, I believe is this: It's about going to church every Sunday, being a nice person, and trying as best we can to keep to the Christian checklist while looking fantastic doing it--a checklist that is often man-made. It was this check list that Jesus preached so passionately against! The Pharisees were so angry when he healed a man on their Sabbath (Mark 3:1-6). They cared nothing for compassion, but for rules! They didn't associate with the 'sinners.' They were too good for that. I am saddened at the sight of this in our own churches today. They are mostly middle class. We don't even try to relate to those different than us. The love of Christ is often missing in place of high expectations-just waiting for someone to mess up so we can pounce on them. What happened to grace? "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God." Ephesians 2:8 

The church has become too churchy today. How many of us are going out onto the battlefield of dying sinners? Have we forgotten that we were once bloodied, dying in the trenches when Jesus came, knelt down, and said "Follow me? And I will make you a fisher of men!" He did not say,"Follow me, and I will make you well so that you can forget about all of these other bloodied people and become a nice, comfortable Christian. 
Harriet Tubman makes me think of this picture: of someone who finds freedom, AND cares enough to help others also find it. She escaped slavery September 17th of 1849 and would subsequently make 13 trips back to rescue over 70 other slaves, risking her life and new-found freedom. Harriet Tubman was also a Christian. 

Do you have a feel-good faith or a faith that has the scars to prove it? Following Jesus is not easy. He requires all of us. Not perfection, but a whole-hearted devotion. Maybe you have high morals and have done well in your personal achievements, but have you gone to the battlefield and held the hand of dying sinners? Or have you beat them over the head with your stick of moral expectations? Do you study the Scriptures with others so that they too can understand your hope in Christ? Do you go to the bars, the AA meetings, the prisons, the hospitals, the nursing homes, the foster children, the parents of foster children, the battlefields and reach down in love and compassion? Do you care enough? Jesus preached not against those without faith, he preached against the religious. Those who had faith, but failed to live it out in love.  Are you religious or are you a follower of Jesus?

I write these things because it is the burden of my heart lately. I've looked in the mirror and I don't like what I see. If I am not sharing the inspired word of God with people weekly I need to ask why? It's not about being a Bible scholar. It's about sharing what Scriptures you do know, and seeking to grow each day in your knowledge of God and His truth found in the Bible. That takes place often not in church, but in your home, in places of darkness, with those who might be too afraid to step into a church building for fear of condemnation! The church is not becoming stronger because people are relying on the church as an organization to reach people, rather than becoming an active part of the body of Jesus Christ! I love going to church and finding fellowship, but if that's all I do then I need to question why. If I'm not willing to share my belief in God with ANYONE, If I'm not willing to love people where they are at, if I say NO to the trenches, if I care more about having my kids involved in a hundred different things than making Christ the priority, if my career takes precedence over where God might want me to go: it is meaningless...and one must ask: 
HOW REAL IS MY FAITH IN JESUS?

Faith is not to be a comfortable one. It's to be a well-worn one, and if it is-you will have the scars to prove it. 
You will be okay with the fact that it will hurt at times.
You won't be afraid to walk into the darkness and shine, even through all your broken shards of glass--Christ will still shine through you if you let him. 

Read through Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John and you cannot deny what Jesus asks of you if you have said,
 "Yes, I will follow you."

Father, please bless this reader and place in them a renewed faith if they have fallen away or forgotten what it means to live for You. If they need more grace for themselves and others, please fill them with Yours. If they are living in sin, chained and hopeless, please give them the strength to get out and the courage to accept Your freedom--though it might mean losing many earthly things and pleasures. We give YOU the honor, glory, and thanks for anything good You do through us. Thank you Lord!